Monday Giggles...

Sparks Of Insanity By Vinny "Bond" Marini Monday, June 12, 2006

Just need a smile today, so we went searching the world of the internet for the dumbest stories we could find... Some you may have already read... hopefully not all of them...

Get on board the Stupid Train...keeping your hands and feet inside the rides at all times...

1) In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

2) Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

3) There's a rising star on the competitive eating circuit. California man Joey Chestnut downed 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in ten minutes this weekend in Las Vegas to set a world record. That's eleven more sandwiches than the old record of 36. Last month, Chestnut ate 50 hot dogs. Some say he's a threat to the reigning champ of food stuffing, Japan's Takeru Kobayashi. Chestnut won the grilled cheese contest sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating, the same group that runs the annual Fourth of July hot dog eating contest at New York's Coney Island.

4) Graduating seniors at Pleasant Hill High School were in no rush to get to school for their final day. About a dozen of them drove to school Wednesday on riding mowers, forcing traffic on Highway 58 to slow to about 10 mph. "We wanted to make people wait," said Kodi Long, 18. "We were trying to teach them a lesson -- not to hurry." Ty Holloway, 17, was puttering along on a John Deere when he was stopped by a policeman. The officer laughed and sent him on his way when told of the circumstances, Holloway said. But police Sgt. Mike Wisdom said it was technically illegal. A riding lawn mower meets the legal definition of a motor vehicle and the statutes that apply to vehicles apply to riding lawn mowers, too. "Riding lawn mowers are not supposed to be on the highway," he said. "There's just a multitude of violations." Among the infractions: equipment violations (lack of brake lights, turn signals and horn) and lack of registration, licensing and insurance, Wisdom said.

5) One day I was working in the office at my college. I was asked to phone a list of 20 students and tell them that their exam for that Friday had been cancelled. So after I got to about the 10th person I realized that this was one of my classes. I went to lectures during the week and on Friday went to take my exam. But I saw no-one from my class there. Confused, I went to the office to find out what was going on, only to be told that the exam had been cancelled. The sweet little old receptionist told me that a young girl who sometimes worked in the office had phoned everyone. Perhaps, thought the little old lady, the girl who helped out had tried to reach me but hadn't gotten through. I felt so stupid since I was the one who phoned everyone. One of my prouder blonde moments.

6) I hate to tell on myself but.... One night, I was in a friend's 3rd story apartment. We were grilling food on the apartment balcony. We were smart enough to realize that this wasn't a safe action. We decided to go to the park to grill. I had to run to the toilet. After I wrapped up the business, I went and found that my friends were all in the truck ready to go. I decided to jump off of the balcony to get to the car quicker. I fell 3 stories and hit the concrete...a perrrfect cat-like landing on 2 feet. Too bad I broke my ankle and my leg. They rushed me to the hospital. I got fixed up with a cast and pain killers :). We returned to the park. I was on crutches and had to lay on my back and keep my leg elevated. They all teased me well into the night. After the party ended, everyone packed to leave. Everybody said BYE!! One of my friends yelled HEY MOE! We have to do this again sometime!! Yeah right.......

Some Funny Stories from Computer techs:
7) I was teaching an email course to novice users -- some of them I was explaining how to enter contact information in the address book, so the program could "look it up" for them. Bad choice of words.

  • Student: "So it'll look up phone numbers for me?"
  • Me: "That's right."
  • Student: "Does it have to be on the right page?"
  • Me: "Uh, do you mean the right screen, or...?"
  • Student: "No, I know it has to be my own computer screen. But when I hold the phone book up to the screen for the computer to look up the number, does it have to be on the right page?"
8) Giving instructions on how to use Microsoft Word 7:

  • Me: "Type in a few words, or a test sentence."
  • Secretary: (skeptically) "With what?"
  • Me: "The keyboard."
  • Secretary: "The what?!?"
  • Me: "Keyboard. The jobbie in front of you with the keys on it."
  • Secretary: "Oh. That."
  • Me: "Yeah, it works like a typewriter."
  • Secretary: "I don't understand. (types a few words) "Oh! Hey! It works just like my typewriter!"
  • Me: "Uh-huh..."
9) I recently overheard this family conversation:

  • My Mother-In-Law: "The computer you have works, right?"
  • My Husband: "Yes, it's brand new, why?"
  • My Mother-In-Law: "Well I was wondering if I could put mine like that."
  • My Husband: "What do you mean?"
  • My Mother-In-Law: "Well the big box, it's on the wrong side."
  • My Husband: "What big box?"
  • My Mother-In-Law: (pointing to the CPU case) "That one."
  • My Husband: "I don't know what you mean."
  • My Mother-In-Law: "Well ours is on the right."
  • My Husband: "It doesn't matter which side it's on, as long as the cable reaches."
  • My Mother-In-Law: "Really?"
  • My Husband: "Really."
  • My Mother-In-Law: "So that means I can put the printer anywhere too?"
  • My Husband: (chuckling) "Yeah, Mom."
And with that folks...your laugh for the day is over....

Keep that spark of insanity kids...It helps keep you an individual.

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3 Of Your Sparks

  1. robsg1rl Says:
  2. Humorous stories....ones I'd never seen or heard before. Perfect for a Monday. Thanx, Bond! :)

     
  3. Angell Says:
  4. LMAO - thanks for the chuckles babe. Loving it.

     
  5. Sueann Says:
  6. WOW...very funny..you were one wild and crazy guy! Wish I had read this sooner...I have so many funny stories of being an Airline Reservation Rep. People, making flight reservations on the phone...funny stuff! I would have submitted some of them...and you would hv accepted them...right...LOL!
    Sueann

     

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