Hey! Look...It's...ummm...nope...it ain't....

Sparks Of Insanity By Vinny "Bond" Marini Friday, August 04, 2006

Welcome To The Couch...Sit on Down and get comfy...

Signs that this world is just getting too damn crazy:
Meet Allen Heckard of Portland, Oregon. Allen drives a shuttle-bus at the Portland airport. He loves to play basketball. He shaves his head, wears Air Jordan sneakers and wears an earring in his left ear.

He has also recently filed a lawsuit against Michael Jordan and Phil Knight, the Chairman of Nike for $832 MILLION DOLLARS!

Yes, you read that correctly....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

Now, why is Mr. Heckard suing these gentlemen? Well, it seems that Allen gets mistaken for Michael Jordan all the time. He has even shaved his goatee and started to wear two earrings - all to no avail. OH, and he is only 6 foot tall, compared to jordan's 6'6" height. He still get mistaken for the real Jordan....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

So, Heckard is suing Jordan for defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering. He’s also suing Knight for defamation and permanent injury for promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

OK...Let's compare...here they are side-by-side:OK...need a clue? Can you do this on your own? OK, Jordan is on the right and Heckard on the left...no no no, see I can't even tell.. Jordan is on the left, Heckard is on the right...YUP that's it....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

Allen Heckard filed the suit himself (well at least we don't have to hang some lawyer for taking this case!), June 29th in Washington County Circuit Court. Heckard said he’s been mistaken as Michael Jordan nearly every day over the past 15 years....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

“I'm constantly being accused of looking like Michael and it makes it very uncomfortable for me,” Heckard said. As uncomfortable as trying to wear a size 9 shoe on a size 12 foot? Is that what he means?....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

Oh yeah.. I can see it now...Mr. Joe Businessman flies into Portland and steps up onto the shuttle. He looks up at the driver and drops his luggage and briefcase and stares in amazement... "Oh MY Goodness..It's YOU...Michael Jordan...Man I LOVE YOU!!!!" and he throws his arms around "Jordan" and hugs him, tears rolling down his face...hands reaching for a pen and pad for an autograph. Yup..happens every day....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

“Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan)," said Heckard. So do you think he can fly through the air from the foul line, legs spread, tongue out?....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

YOU decide...is that Jordan or Heckard...I can't tell!Most people would consider that a high compliment....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

"Yes...don’t get me wrong it’s definitely a positive thing, because Michael, like I say is one of the best ball players that I've known to play the game. But then again, that's Michael and I'm me. So I want to be recognized as me just like Michael's being recognized as Michael."
Do you think people have now approached Michael Jordan and said "Hey Mr. Heckard, why are you suing?"....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

Nike said it would move to dismiss this suit. What I want to know is how was this suit even accepted. Why would the Washington County, OR courts even take the $206.00 he paid to file this suit....$832 MILLION DOLLARS!

More Insanity:

Did you know that the All England Club spends $111,000 during Wimbledon each year for TOWELS! The towels used are supposed to be left on the court at the end of matches, but 2,500 towels disappear each year.

"Hey, Andre, where did these 200 towels come from that I found in your luggage???"
"Oh darn Steffi, I guess I forgot to leave them in England...oh well, we can use them by the jacuzzi."
They can hire me to be the "Towel Police"...I guarantee not one player will leave the grounds with a towel...

"ummm Ms. Sharapova, sorry but we will have to strip search you to ensure you are not hiding a towel under your clothes." YUP, I can do that!

OK, going to update my resume..."Towel Police"...yeah....I can do that!

Thanks for sitting on the Couch, hope you enjoyed your stay.

Remember .. Nets For Malaria - UNFoundation.org/malaria - find the big SI's Nothing But Net logo ... Or call 202.887.9040. Every cent goes to buying nets to place over the beds of children in Africa to stomp out Malaria. PLEASE HELP.

Keep that spark of insanity kids...It helps keep you an individual.

19 Of Your Sparks

  1. OK, this is insanity in its purest form.

    But, well, Bond...I must admit...and perhaps it's my aging eyes....but I don't even see a picture! (sigh) suppose I'm getting older than I want to admit...or maybe it's because I worked until 1:00 this morning finishing a job that had to be turned in today...I don't know...

  2. Bond Says:
  3. So Sorry...my first posting, the pictures were not linked in yet! It is obviously now fixed...

    Must make sure all is cool or my friends will think they are nuts, when it is truly me

  4. My eyes!! My eyes!! (Just kidding!)...SO much better now! Thanks!

  5. Anonymous Says:
  6. Who was that tall man? Michael Heckard? Allen Jordan? Never heard of 'em ... Wonder if he'll win his suit? LOL Go get 'em, Vince!


  7. Anonymous Says:
  8. Oh, yeah - forgot to mention - I get that all the time, too. I would like to state for the whole world, or at least the couch crowd, that I am NOT, nor have I ever been, Christie Brinkley. Any resemblance is purely coincidental ... LOL

  9. Bond Says:
  10. Breezes.. sorry about the screw up and your short insanity moment... here - try these special glaases - they will protect your eyes

    Coco- The entre SP always felt you might be Christie Brinkley in disguise..

  11. oohhhhhhh......Thanks, Bond!! say...geeper, creepers...where'd you get those peepers? where'd you get those eyes??

  12. damm Says:
  13. I am certain the world is run by MOD's

  14. Dixiechick Says:
  15. What is this world coming to!!! I have never heard of such. Let's see *looks in mirror* Nope, do not see any resemblance of Melanie Griffith in this mirror.... What do you think Bond?

    *squeezes the duck* wooooooo

  16. twinnsmom Says:
  17. I am in Minnesota as you know. I didn't remember your website so I seached it on google. You were first! You made google!

  18. Bond Says:
  19. Wait Dixie.. you told me months ago oyu WERE Melanie Griffith... now you are telling me that isn't true???

    Twinnsmom - What phrase did you use when you googled? Got the email- glad things are moving forward.

  20. Yurnberry Says:
  21. Atleast it's not Kournikova--or that Damm duck.....

  22. Bond Says:
  23. ummm.. now why would I want to stripsearch the duck???

    Turn, you lose 2 points on the Fan Scale

  24. maryfly Says:
  25. that settles it! I'm suing Courtney Cox!!

    too funny V!!

  26. Diana Says:
  27. I have the same name as Princess Diana, and wonder woman...should I sue them?

    It's quite amusing when the pursuit of happiness, is done on the shoulders of someone else.

    love the post... :)

  28. Anonymous Says:
  29. Heeheehee! I get a kick out of your blog, Bond! Imagine, suing someone cause they look like you...or you look like them! Whatever! LOL You're right, the world is crazy and getting crazier...and not in a good way!
    From the mind of Meribah

  30. Fred Says:
  31. Ummm, I have one of those towels...

  32. Anndi Says:
  33. I blame the duck.

  34. Bond Says:
  35. Mary: I have a good lawyer for you.. we can win that case!

    Diana: Not sure you can win the princess Di case, but the Wonder Woman case.. go get em

    Fred: if ya did the math- it is about $44/towel..pay up dude

    Anndi: Look folks..it isn't always about that damn duck


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