Faker, ANOTHER Hotel, Thugs, & Scares

Sparks Of Insanity By Vinny "Bond" Marini Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Welcome To THE COUCH...Sit on Down and Get Comfy...

THE COUCH is embarrassed to say that we must issue an apology today...we were duped...

PAUL VANCE the writer of "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" is not dead...correct...we said NOT dead....as we reported on September 27, 2006. That post can be found HERE.

It appears the gentleman who did die and IS named Paul van Valkenburgh has falsely claimed to have written the song under a "pen" name.

TSK TSK Mr. vanV ...

Reports say that Mr. Vance learned of his untimely demise while watching The O'Reilly Factor (though THE COUCH has heard rumors he actually learned about it by reading it right here folks!), and has called it "the most bizarre experience in my life."

Well...we would think so!

In addition, Mr. Vance, who is now an owner of thoroughbred horses had two of his horses scratched from Vernon Downs in New York

Again, Mr. Vance, THE COUCH is sorry...but we weren't the only one who was tricked!
OK...I got permission to stay in a hotel until the 2nd...except I have to move to the corporate hotel, so it means ... NO MORE SUITE LIVING! Kind of sad, since the suite is actually less money per night, but this new hotel allows billing to go straight to the corporate account and that is better for me.

Turned in my application for my apartment...fingers crossed it is accepted...not totally guaranteed with my ... um ...credit history ... hehehe

Have to comment on this University of Miami/Florida International brawl that took place this past weekend during their football game.
#19 of UM - Stomping on an FIU player who is on the ground - ARREST HIM!

has always had a reputation of being "Thug U"....

But what happened this past weekend was stomach turning.

The pictures of players kicking downed opponents, and Miami safety Anthony Reddick, using his helmet as a weapon, made me wonder how these people even got into college.
Anthony Reddick using his helmet...he needs to be charged
with assault, kicked out of school and put in jail.

Reddick was suspended indefinitely and in THE COUCH'S opinion should never walk on a football field again...college or Pro. Florida International seems to be taking this much more seriously, as they should.
I understand this "genius" from FIU began using his
crutches when he got to the melee...
another one
needing assault charges filed and some jail time given.

They dismissed Chris Smith and Marshall McDuffie Jr. from the team and suspended 16 others indefinitely. All 18 will be required to complete 10 hours of anger-management counseling and fulfill 50 hours of community service "intended to educate South Florida youth on appropriate behavior at athletic competitions."

Let them finish their community service and then throw them out of school too in our opinion.

Then, when you think it can't get any worse, news comes of the firing of Lamar Thomas, a former UM and NFL player. He was working the game for Comcast Sports SouthEast, and sounded just like someone who went to school at THUG U. Here is a transcript of what he said on-air. I understand if you do a search you can hear it for yourself...but I think this says it all:

"Now, that's what I'm talking about," Thomas said as the brawl raged out of control. "You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB (Orange Bowl) playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing."

Miami and Florida International have campuses nine miles apart in Miami-Dade County. It was the first meeting between the two programs, and the Hurricanes went on to win 35-0.

As the fight slowed, Thomas' comments continued.

"I say, why don't they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game and get it on some more? You don't come into the OB, baby," Thomas said. "We've had a down couple years but you don't come in here talking smack. Not in our house."

Ummm Lamar...your mama shoulda smacked you more often and taught you respect and manners, you low-life.As a public service, THE COUCH now lists some scary places to get the bejeepers scared out of you for Halloween.

This just happens to be my favorite holiday and I am sad
I will not have a place to set up my spookiness. I just lovvvvvve to scare the trick or treaters. I do have a rule that they must be about 9 or older to really scare though.

When we lived in Massachussetts in the apartment clomplex, I put on ratty old clothes..stuffed straw in the sleeves..gloves..one of my collection of horror masks and went and stood in a public area. Of course a group came alone (including Matt) and all st
ood around trying to figure out if it was a person or fake.

Finally, one brave soul came close enough and pushed on my chest. I fell straight backward onto the ground (YEAH IT HURT - but all great pranks involve some pain)...they all laughed saying .."oh man it is fake.." about 20 seconds later, I began to rise off the ground...

They scatter yelling and screaming like crazy and all I did was...


Ah...next year I guess...

I have more
Halloween spooky stories I will share over the next two weeks...

Here are the sites, as listed on Yahoo's Buzz Log: (though their links just brought you to search pages...I did the work for you and have linked right to the s
ites home page or to a page to tell you more if they didn't have a site.)
  1. Knott's Scary Farm, (Anaheim, California) - COUCH NOTE..this appears totally sold out already!
  2. Haunted Hoochie (Columbus, Ohio)
  3. Cutting Edge Haunted House (Dallas Forth Worth, Texas)
  4. Catacombs (Kansas City, Missouri)
  5. Niles Haunted House Scream Park (Niles, Michigan)
  6. Statesville Haunted Prison (Crest Hill, Illinois)
  7. Mansfield Prison (Mansfield, Ohio)
  8. Rocky Point Haunted House (Salt Lake City, Utah)
  9. Erebus Haunted House (Pontiac, Michigan)
  10. Phobia Haunted House (Houston, Texas)
  11. 13 Stories Haunted House (Kennesaw, Georgia)
  12. Necropolis (Columbia, Missouri)
  13. The Beast (Kansas City, Missouri)
  14. Bloodview (Cleveland, Ohio) COUCH NOTE: This link did not work for us...but it may for you.
  15. Screamers House of Horrors (Niagara Falls, Canada)
  16. Jaycees Haunted House COUCH NOTE: This is the search link. Find the one near you.
  17. The Dungeon of Doom (Grayslake, Illinois)
  18. Slaughterhouse COUCH NOTE: This is the search link. Find the one near you.
  19. Hades Haunted House (Chicago, Illinois) COUCH NOTE: On your own with this one..no info found
  20. Monster Mountain (Hendersonville, Tennessee) COUCH NOTE: not a house a trail through the woods!
Gosh, #2...I think I might know some of those Hootchies! bwahahahahahahaaaa

And for you in Illinois...I found this site by accident which lists all the Haunted Houses in IL. Find it HERE
Well...that is more then enough blatthering from me today...

Thanks for sitting on THE COUCH, hope you enjoyed your stay.


Remember .. Nets For Malaria - UNFoundation.org/malaria - find the big SI's Nothing But Net logo ... Or call 202.887.9040. Every cent goes to buying nets to place over the beds of children in Africa to stomp out Malaria. PLEASE HELP.

Keep that spark of insanity kids...It helps keep you an individual.

19 Of Your Sparks

  1. Dixiechick Says:
  2. Oh Vinny, Halloween is one of my favorites too. Just down the road here from Jackson, in a town called Medina, they have a "Haunted Hollow"... they have been doing this for more than 20 years now... The last time I went I actually got the pee scared out of me! Literally.... scared out of me...ummmmmmm... haven't been back since... ;-)

    DUCKMASTER vs. DUCK!!!! ;-)

  3. busy91 Says:
  4. football...yawn. When you talk about the SD Charges let me know. My cuz plays for them. #30.

  5. Bond Says:
  6. DIXIE: So when we going?

  7. Dixiechick Says:
  8. Let me find out when they open and I'll let ya know....

    Oh... my opinion on the football brawl.... those kids need the definition of "Sportmanlike Conduct" permanently etched and burned on their forehead! They should NEVER be allowed to play football again - not on ANY level! If one of those boys had been my Matt - well - let's just say I'd be opening a good old fashioned southern can of whoop ass on him... he'd think about it the next time.... ;-)

  9. Bond Says:
  10. BUSY: Wooo... Andre Lott is your cousin? I just read up on him. he is a Safety for the Chargers folks.

    DIXIE: I know all about whoop-ass but it isn't Southern, unless you mean Southern Italy!

  11. Bond Says:
  12. OH and I did not notice ... Busy's cousin... he is from.... ready..... MEMPHIS! LOL UT grad...WOOOOOOOOO

  13. Dixiechick Says:
  14. Wow!!! Busy's cousin is from Memphis and a graduate of UT! Of course.. Andre Lott... I remember him...he played on the 1998 National Football Team....

    Funny how this big old world it really oh so small.....

  15. busy91 Says:
  16. No Robert Carswell. He's #30 right. I haven't spoken to his uncle in a while. I don't follow the Foot Ball!

  17. Anndi Says:
  18. Bond, I shall give you a full report of Screamers.. if I make it there LOL. Thanks for the info!
    I LOVE Halloween.. LOVE it LOVE it LOVE it! I used to dress up as the undead and scare the kiddies way back when...

    I shall refrain from commenting on the young and clueless (read moronic) hoodlums.. how does this kind of behaviour become acceptable in sport?

    Oh, and is Bruno helping you move?

  19. Bond Says:
  20. BUSY: ummm...must be a long while...I don't see any stats since the middle of 2002!

  21. Bond Says:
  22. ANNDI: There was another place we went to when at The Falls.. and it was way scary..now that was a few years ago (more then a few...maybe 8 -9...and I don't know if it is even still there...and on top of that..I can't rememebr the name! GO TO SCREAMERS...it looks hot
    and it seems to have the same premise..if you got too freightened you uttered a phrase and they pulled you out immediately and YOU GOT A STICKER SAYING YOU CHICKENED OUT...HUMMMMM So, maybe it was Screamers! LOL

  23. Fred Says:
  24. I'm surprised Howl-O-Scream at Busch Gardens didn't make the list. It's pretty darned good.

    One question about UM. Why is Larry Coker still employed?

  25. Coco Says:
  26. Ummmm ... I noticed that "Boo at the Zoo" from Moncton didn't make the cut. I took Brennan to the kiddie part last year - he didn't really get the whole Halloween experience last year, but has talked nothing but for weeks now. (well, that and skating and hockey and baseball ...) We are decorating the house together this weekend, and he has picked out our costumes (loooooooong ago). He's going out as Superman, and I get to be Wonder Woman (I am going to FREEZE to death!) Looks like we're going to do our best to scare people, too, because he has been practicing jumping out of corners and yelling "BOO!" (what do you expect? He's three!) Notice I'm staying well away from comments about the football fiasco? Oh, I have an opinion, but it would be even more wordy than this ... and not all would be appropriate for general viewing.

  27. Bond Says:
  28. FRED: Excellent question...but ya know it is all about $$$$$$$

    COCO: Boo at the Zoo sounds like fun...LOL wear tights to stay warm...

  29. Duckinator Says:
  30. ducks rule, duckmasters drool...and grope and other strange things.

    would someone just kick UM out of football so we can be rid of those thugs.

  31. Joyce Says:
  32. Hope you get the apartment - i am keeping my fingers crossed for you. Place looks great. I loved the photos of Matt. Include photos whenever you can.

  33. Turnbaby Says:
  34. Halloween so so so so LOVE IT!!!Hmmmm--gives me ideas

    And for once I agree with the Duck--just kick em out. University Prez said today that "those young men made a mistake and are being punished and now it's just a media frenzy" PUH LEEZE. Can't wait to see if they really implement their new "zero tolerance" policy.

  35. duck Says:
  36. turn thinks i'm brilliant, turn thinks i'm brilliant, turn thinks i'm brlliant :):):):):):):)

  37. Bond Says:
  38. COUSIN: I sure will try to include more pictures once my computer is down here with me...

    TURN: Agreed...maybe not all, but the real animals must be taught a lesson. And today i heard an interview with Reddick, where he is apologizing and saying things like "I feel bad for the kids that look up to me..." Ummm yo bud...you ain't famous!

    DUCK: She said she agreed with you...I ummmm..never saw her use the word briliant!


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