Freakout Friday

Sparks Of Insanity By Vinny "Bond" Marini Friday, April 27, 2007

Freaking Out All Over The World...

Loving the story about RICHARD GERE and the warrant out for his arrest in India. Seems the "American Gigolo" was at an AIDS/HIV summit in New Delhi when he grabbed Shilpa Shetty, the Bollywood star and dipped her while planting kisses on he cheeks.

This PDA has resulted in the Indian Courts issued the warrant after complaints the actor committed an "obscene act."

Shetty defended Gere by saying was enacting a scene from "The Last Dance" since he does not speak Hindi.

Meanwhile posters of Gere and Shetty were burned around the city.

At least three citizens took it one step further by filing legal complaints against the pair. After viewing video footage of the incident, Judge Dinesh Gupta agreed that the "highly sexually erotic" behavior exhibited by the twosome "transgressed all limits of vulgarity."

In addition to issuing the warrant for Gere's arrest, the judge ordered Shetty to appear in his Jaipur court on May 5 to explain why she did not resist the actor's advances.

OK folks, who wants to start a collection to send Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and K-Fed over to India...maybe we can be done with them once and for all...


HUGH GRANT, Divine Brown's best customer, has obviously decided that paparazzi are more fun to play with then prostitutes.

Our boy Hugh got all upset at Ian Whittaker, a photog for the Daily Star and attacked him by kicking at him three times. Then in a totally classy move, Hugh threw a tupperware container containing baked beans at the shutterbug, totally bumming out those at the bar-b-que waiting for the side dish.

Hugh-boy was arrested and questioned on suspicion of assault.

Whittaker was waiting outside Grant's apartment and, after asking Grant to smile, got chased down the street. He said he left "battered and bruised", and looking like a side dish to hot dogs!

According to Whittaker, Grant then went all Alec Baldwin on him and asked if he had any children. When Whittaker replied yes, supposedly Mickey Blue Eyes responded that he hoped they all "die of f***ing cancer."

Now, Robbie the Reindeer only used tupperwear and beans and didn't pull out an umbrella and go all Mary Poppins like Ms. Britney did against her paparazzi stalkers, so he should skate on this one...


Speaking of the parent of the year nominee, ALEC BALDWIN, you just have to wonder how that tape ever got out.

Was it Kim "Horni Honee" Bassinger?

Was it some clod in the court system?

We may never know, but Alec has to learn that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words left on an answering machine will last forever."

Upset that his daughter was not available to take his "visitation phone call", the eldest of the Brothers Baldwin went on a tirade on his 11-year old daughter, in part calling her a "thoughtless little pig."

Mr. "30 Rock" then continued...."I don't give a damn that you're 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do. You've made me feel like s**t" and threatened to "straighten your ass out."

"This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, and you do it to me constantly over and over again."

Before hanging up, Baldwin warned the child, "You better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me."

On his website, Caleb Thorn left a statement including the following:

"Naturally, it is not best for a parent to lose their temper with their child," Baldwin said. "Everyone who knows me privately knows that I have endured a great deal over the last several years in my custody litigation."

Everyone who knows me privately knows that certain people will go to any lengths to embarrass me and to disrupt my relationship with my daughter."

"I'm sorry, as
everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now."

We guess it is just everyone who doesn't know "chuckles" thinks he is a total clod.

Rumours that the family is up for an episode of
"Nanny 911" are unfounded at this time.


We can now disclose where SANJAYA got the inspiration for the "rooster-hawk" he wore on American idol. The garden in the family garage...

Seems that in 2005, cops went to the family home and found 310 pot plants and smoking devices in the family garage. Sister Shyamali was in the garage practicing the Bob Marley songbook at the time .

As family values are obviously important in the Malakar home, sis "Shama-a-lama-toke-some", who was busted for possession, directed the Pierce County Sheriff to a nearby growing facility where mom Jillian Blith and Sanjaya's step-dad, Charles Quist were arrested.

Mom only got a 30-day sentence, which is a lot less then the fans of American Idol had to endure listening to her son.


Because we had to.... here is the father of the year in all his glory...


In honor of the victims of Virginia Tech and
the multitude of school shootings we have been subjected to.

As well as for all of the heroes who have lost their lives fighting in the Middle East
we will be silent on Monday here on THE COUCH.

We do have a song that will be playing.

All ya'll enjoy your weekend now....



Bob Marley
Composer: Bob Marley



31 Of Your Sparks

  1. A Classic Couch Post.

    Love it, Vinny, LOVE IT.

    I'm with you on the "deportation" of La Paris and company. Could we send a few dozen others with them?

    Have a fabulous weekend, my friend, and remember to call your son (ha!).


  2. Twyla Says:
  3. I saw the Richard Gere thing on the news last night. I can't help but laugh. If that is considered "highly sexually erotic behavior", then the people in India would have a stroke if they came here and watched North American tv. I see way worse things than that in tv commercials. Poor Richard...hopefully he doesn't get thrown in jail.
    Oh, and wtf is with Alec Baldwin?

  4. Schmoop Says:
  5. The "die of cancer" thing was rude, but the baked beans assault by Hugh was hip. And Shetty?....Purrrrrrrrrr. Cheers V-Man

  6. Mags Says:
  7. LOL on the Sanjaya section!

  8. AtriaBooks Says:
  9. We'll have to do a hostage trade with INdia...Sanjaya for Richard Gere. Although in both cases Americans are the ones being held hostage.

  10. Forgot to mention the music - d'oh!

    Thanks for the Bob Marley, mon. Love it!

  11. Coco Says:
  12. WOOOOOOOOO! First Zappa and now, Bob Marley!!! You must be reading my mind ... or my mp3 player ... thanks a million honey, for the music. I have a great idea ... send Richard Gere to me ... I'll see to it that he's punished for his crimes .... mmmmm ... oh yes I will ...

  13. Coco Says:
  14. BTW, I really love these rambling posts of yours. Reminds me of the early days of the Couch. Kinda miss those days ...

  15. buwahahahahahaha Shama-a-lama-toke-some... BUWHAHAHAHAHA....

  16. SONGBIRD: Thanks... I miss these....
    sheesh...I write the dang things, I can do them anytime i want!

    MATT-MAN: I knew you would like her...and they would have just beheaded you...LOL

    MAGS: Glad you enjoyed

    DOC: do we have to..can;t they just take both???

    SONGBIRD: Fit the mood...

    COCO: Just breaking out the tunes I am....You can have the Gere-boy
    Yes, I know... I thought of that as i was writing... may be moving back that way a tad

    DIXIE: heheheheeh that was my favorite line of the post too...

  17. BeckEye Says:
  18. "OK folks, who wants to start a collection to send Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and K-Fed over to India...maybe we can be done with them once and for all..."

    Are you trying to put me out of business??? :O

  19. BECKEYE: I left you Britney and Rosie and Tom & Katie and Alec and can still make a mint off of them

  20. TopChamp Says:
  21. this will prob seem weird: My boyfriend was listening to the clip without knowing what he was listening to... and thought it was Dr Blogstein. Is he Alec Baldwin in disguise?

    I work with a bloke from India who agrees that this is obscene behaviour. It's hard to imagine coming from our culture that some cheek smooching (admittedly extrovert) is seen as offensive.

  22. At times we sound alike. Great post! I wish I wrote it. I was too busy with Rosie yesterday...

  23. TOPCHAMP: LOL.. hey Doc, didja hear that??? You might be Alec Baldwin.... lol

    BUD: Maybe it is that we are close in age and both were in radio... maybe it is because we were separated at birth...or maybe we just umm have the same warped sense of humor...

  24. Unknown Says:
  25. Bwahahaaaa - thanks for the comfy stay on THE COUCH! Have a great weekend, my friend =)

  26. hOLY COW! iS THIS STUFF TRUE??? lol!

  27. SANNI: Always welcome

    108: Would I lie to my guests?

  28. Julie Says:
  29. Wooo so glad that I stopped by tonight! Such a smattering of interesting mumbo jumbo!

    Wait a minute....I have a 11 year old to yell at.....just kidding!


  30. Bar Says:
  31. I am laughing so hard...I can't believe I have been missing out on this blog all this time!!! I'm bookmarking you immediately!

  32. LAYLA: Have seen you around the bloggosphere...always a seat on the COUCH for a fan of rock...

    JULIE: hehehehheheheheh poor girl, just make sure you don't use an answering machine!

    MERI: I lost your comment - stupid mouse button - but you were right... they would die if they saw a TV commercial here

  33. Damn, now I'm craving baked beans...

    Have a classic weekend, my friend!

  34. Unknown Says:
  35. Alec Baldwin - there is no reason to take out your frustrations on your daughter. If Bethany's father ever did that to her (should he deign her valuable enough to contact her), he would never see his daughter again. That's just wrong.

  36. Liz Hill Says:
  37. Oooo classic Couch--yummy.

    I have to say this about the Baldwin thing--I hev come to deplore a court system that encourages parents to fight. Their children always LOSE in these situations. Is it the worst that's ever been said to a kid ? --No---you would not believe some of the stuff I have heard. Should he have said it --no. Should we all know about it? NO

    Shama lama toke some is LOLOLOL


  38. hey i think i have a baked bean bruise here. is there someone i could send to india to sue? and can i go on a cruise ship? hi bond, just stopping in to say hi. bee here. got any chocolate in here honey? sigh...

    smiles, bee

  39. MORGEN: Hugh has plenty and he is willing to share... catch!

    DANA: It is wrong... but in the end, we all say things to our kids we wish we hadn't .. his mistake.. he left it on a tape!

    TURN: Agree...agree.. agree... hehehehe shama-lama...

    BEE: We had nothing to do with it... those were NOT our beans
    Sure pack 'em up and ship 'em off
    I would expect you to ONLY go on a cruise ship.
    HI BEE
    :::rummages through drawers:::... yup got some chocolate ... here ya go!

  40. Liz Hill Says:

    You changed the last pic on the banner to your true Hottie self!!!



  42. TURN: Was wondering if anyone would notice

  43. Anndi Says:
  44. I'm sorry to say I could have done without hearing the Baldwin meltdown... Until that point the post was funny.. now I'm just left with a sick feeling... not even Shamalamatoke munchies can cure it...

    Maybe the Marley will make it better..that or more pics of Hotie Extraordinaire Richard Gere.. I'm with Coco.. send him to Canada.

  45. ANN: Ah, take a shamalama toke and see if it feels better - LOL
    Hope Marley helped.... and you can have Gere... LOL

  46. Bond darlin that was a funny post. Tokin with the Sanjaya oh my.


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