Consider If You Will...

Sparks Of Insanity By Vinny "Bond" Marini Monday, December 22, 2008

Hope y'all had a great weekend. Time with Mom Joan and Dad Vince was great, though it didn't turn out as planned...actually...nothing went as planned after Wednesday...


That's right, somewhere along the line Rod Serling stepped between me and the world and uttered the following:

"Imagine if you will, one Vinny Marini. A common man who has been nervous about a dentist appointment all day.

Yet it is not the dentist appointment he is just leaving that should have him is something that will change his next 24 hours. Because you see, our reluctant subject has just crossed over, from a nitrous buzz and straight into...The...Twilight...Zone..."

I come walking out of he dentist office and into my car. A simple ride home and I lay down on the couch. The appointment had actually gone well. He did two caps, on on the top left the other on the bottom left. It took a few attempts for him to get the nitrous set right, beginning at a 50% mix..."HA" - I chided him - "If you think 50% is going to work, you are mistaken kind sir." We finally got it set to 71% and all worked well and his methods are really quite good.

There were a few times when I tensed up and that might have contributed to...

Well, we are getting ahead of ourselves now...

I put on the television, my mouth is a little sore, but nothing like I had imagined.

As the night glides on, I even eat a sandwich and continue to put things away in preparation for mom and dad's arrival on Thursday.

Finally, I head upstairs around 11:00pm and put out towels for them. I then grab the canister of hairspray and bend over to put it in the cabinet under the sink in the bathroom upstairs.


A lightening bolt flashes in my eyes, I hear a 'snap', my legs go out from under me an I am on the floor.

And a bad one. I am lying on my side, back arched backward, hand on my lower back, just trying to massage it away...but I knew from past experiences all I needed to do was get up on the bed and let it settle and then I will be able to get up and get some pain meds and a back wrap.

I drag myself to my bed and find my way under the covers. Back hurts, but this has happened before, it will be better soon.

And I fall off to sleep...until I wake at around midnight and my bladder is calling. I roll onto my side and begin to drift off the edge when BAM! Lightening, Electrical Impulses and I am in huge pain.

I try again and again over the next 15 minutes and there is just no way I am getting up. So, using a mug I take with me to bed that contains juice, I improvise and then fall back to sleep.

Only to find myself awake again at about 4:00am and I am in pain and the bladder is calling again...WTF!?!?!?!?!

Over the next half-hour I try every configuration possible to get offf the bed and then finally just 'pushed' myself off onto the floor, breaking my fall but putting me into a 15 minute spasm.

I drag myself toward the bathroom figuring I can lift myself on the door jam and counter top from the sink...

NOPE...not going to happen and the trash cannister became another make-shift latrine...


So, now I am finally comfortable, on the carpet in my bedroom, gazing at my bed and knowing that I am not getting up there again at this point.

I crawl over to the bed and grab the comforter and slowly drag it off onto the floor. Luckily, one of my pillows also came along for the ride. I lay there with the comforter wrapped around me and I drift off to sleep again.

My cell phone? Where is it? It is somewhere around 7:00am (I am guessing since I can not see a clock - but the light outside the window looks about 7:00am.

OH, you know what that means ... right?


My alarm clock! And for the next hour, I got to listen to the BEEP-BEEP-BEEP...

Nancy is 4 hours south on a business trip. Mom and dad are 6 hours away outside Atlanta.

Throughout the day, I try and get myself up, only to be interrupted by another spasm. Never has the back been in this shape. I call over to the Chiropractor and he asks if I can get ice on it --- um no, the ice is downstairs.

Man I could use something to drink. My lips are parched - I bet they are covered in white junk. My mouth has three layers of gunk in it...The only thing I might be able to crawl over to and drink from is my mug...but - um...nope, I am not that delirious that I would stoop to that.

Nancy is calling whenever she can and is trying to find Ernie and see if he can get over. Mom and dad are calling.

I send an email or two from my 'crackberry' as SONGBIRD from "The Ice Box" calls them, so I had friends checking in during the day.

At about 3:30 or so, Ernie showed up and got me something to drink and sat and kept me company. Mom and dad arrived some 45 minutes later and dad and Ernie tried to get me up and I went into spasms again and went to the floor in some of the worst pain I had had up until that point.

Then I hit 911 and for only the third time in my life (the last two in Memphis, the first when I had an appendectomy attack in college), I was picked up by an ambulence.

The two guys came in and cradled me under the legs and forearms and hoisted. It hurt, but no spasm. Then one grabbed me from behind and the other lifted my legs and they carried me down the stairs and onto the gurney. The one Fireman/EMT asked how bad my pain was and then administered his B.S. Meter (Took my blood pressure) and confirmed I was in pain as my BP was 180/112 or something like that!

As they are taking me out, one of the guys says "Wow, someone is into photography." and then while in the ambulance he begins quizzing me on my vinyl. I guess in their job they must be very observant.

They called in and the doctor said not to administer any drugs. I went right into a treatment area and the nurse was there asking questions. Mom and dad had followed in their car and also arrived.

Within 45 minutes, I had a doctor checking me out and then explained they were going to give me a cocktail of muscle relaxer, pain killer and steroid and then give me prescriptions for each in pill form for the next 5 days.

Nancy showed up and that also helped my situation. About 45 minutes after the 'cocktail' I was feeling much better - besides the pain killer that is!! - The muscle was loosening and the spasms had stopped, so we headed home.

Mom and dad decided to take a hotel room as they can not sleep on the pull-out I normally use when they come. Of course, I could not use it at that point.

Friday, I actually got to work for about 5 hours and then came home. Mom, dad and I went and ate pizza at the only place I have found that makes an almost NY pizza...

Saturday I picked them up at the hotel and we went to Nancy's and had pasta and my gravy. Mom had brought me some Fusilli from Florida, as you can not get that style here in Memphis, and it is one of my favorites. They make it in a short and long fav is the long thinner cut.

We had a real nice visit and Ernie and Peter presented dad with an Ole Miss Football shirt they had. It might not fit dad, but the gesture was really cool.

So, as a recap...I spent about 12.5 hours on the floor of my bedroom unable to move with back spasms and the funny thing did not seem like it was that long. I slept as much as i laid there awake. The pain forcing me to drift off.

I owe Ernie a huge debt of gratitude. It was not easy for him to come into the apartment and see me there on the floor...OH, plus Nancy and I had a mis-communication and she thought I was naked (as I sleep), but I had gotten a pair of shorts on that were in the pile to be washed, so he also thought he was coming up to be frightened beyond anything that could ever traumatize him the rest of his life!


To Mom Joan and Dad Vince, thank you for all you guys did while you were here. It was not the visit we planned, but the point was getting to see you both for the holiday.


To Nancy, who was a rock on the phone and tried to rearrange things to come home early. She came right to the hospital and then made sure I was totally settled when I arrived back at the apartment from the hospital. You were great getting the dinner together on Saturday and making sure Mom and dad felt at home...which they did!


The back is still pretty stiff and the steroids are giving me weird dreams and interrupting my sleep. Each day I cut down 1 one on them, and am complete in 2 more days.

I will then try and get in to see my Chiropractor for an adjustment.

Hey Rod...ready to wrap this up?


"One man confronting the unknown. Relegated to a prone position on the carpet in his bedroom. Within each of us, we have a response to this situation. Mr. Vinny Marini took the position to hold tight and await rescue he knew. Another might have made the emergency call earlier.
The way each and every one of us reactions is almost certainly changed when that decision has to be made in The...Twilight...Zone."

Recorded on Sept. 11, 1977, for Crosby's "Merrie Olde Christmas" TV special. A month later, Crosby was dead of a heart attack. The special was broadcast on CBS about a month after his death.

A Great collaboration...

28 Of Your Sparks

  1. Matt-Man Says:
  2. Sounds just like my weekend minus the pain and suffering...and the parental visits, and well, the pasta.

    Okay I guess it was nothing like my weekend. Hope you are getting along better. Cheers Vin!!

  3. Anndi Says:
  4. Ed's note: braking...

    Um, you threw that mug out, yes? You do realize, if I ever make it back to Memphis, I'm bringing my own mug. TMI... just... TMI.

    You would find a way to blame the dentist for that.

    I couldn't figure out why Nancy said it would be awkward in her e-mail... now I get it *snort* (I can laugh now, right? I mean, you're all better.... right?)

    I prefer watching the video when listening to that song, it adds to the experience. Bowie and Bing... very cool!

  5. Micky-T Says:
  6. Hell of a way to start a weekend.
    Glad you got through it.
    Try to have a great week Vinny!

  7. Turnbaby Says:
  8. LMAO @ Anndi cause I thought the same thing about the email.

    Now don't you be stressing over the New Year's prep and get it all tight again.

  9. oh man bond, that sucks...

    merry christmas my friend.

    smiles, bee

  10. Dianne Says:
  11. I was drinking my morning OJ and reading your post and ...

    OK I'm back - a little throwing up is good for the soul

    Sounds a lot like that movie 'The Lost Weekend' without any booze

    Feel better kiddo

  12. Damn, Vinny, you sure know how to show your parents a good time, huh?

  13. Mimi Lenox Says:
  14. Laughing at Desert's comment...but not at you. Really. That must have been awful. But you had good help. There is nothing worse than being alone when you're sick. Thank goodness your superheroes came to the rescue!

    Feel better. You've had a lot of unnecessary "stuff" happen to you lately.
    So sorry.

    Christmas and eggnog will be here soon!

  15. Bond Says:
  16. MATT-MAN: Thanks bud...glad yours was different.

    ANNDI: Fixed...I was keeping that mug just for you!...Yes, you can giggle now.

    MICKEY-T: Thanks also enjoy.

    TURNBABY: I never stress over cooking...

    BEE: Yup it did...

    DIANNE: If I could have reached the booze, it would have included booze!

    SONGBIRD: I am the perfect host!

    MIMI: It was tough...I am doing better...still stiff though.

  17. BEST MINUTIA EVER! Glad you're alive--its a Hanukkah miracle!

  18. Starrlight Says:
  19. Yeah I have to say that email from you was about the last thing I expect to read. I really did say WTF outloud :P

    Go check out my post last Thursday. It was my 13 songs (plus a few more) of the year. I think you might like a few of them and I love your comments on music =)

  20. Dana Says:
  21. Wow!! I think I need one of those pain cocktails! Do they work on ... well ... never mind ...

    Glad you are feeling somewhat better! If nothing else, this should give you a new perspective on the dentist!

  22. Jay Says:
  23. Back spasms are brutal! I injured my back in a freak laundry accident a few years ago and started having terrible spasms. I ended up using two golf clubs as a make-shift walker for several days. It wasn't nearly as sexy as it sounds either.

    Glad you're up and around now!

  24. OBLadyBug Says:
  25. So glad you're feeling better my love. Ernie said to let you know there's no need for thanks he was happy to help. Plus it gives him a good example of showing responsibility to use whenever I'm upset with him for not being responsible.

    Enjoyed our short time with your mom and dad ... Saturday was a great time for all!

  26. Meribah Says:
  27. Dang, that sucks. Now the puppy feels guilty cuz she wasn't there as she is a Trained Therapy Dog! I coulda turned off your alarm, got you ice, got you a drink...and a bedpan....:P
    And you was NEKKID??? Okay, so you managed to get some undies on, but you was nekkid for part of the time, correct? Nuts. Things I miss when I never visit and don't have a camera at the ready. :P

  28. Bond Says:
  29. DOC: See I thought it was a Festivus Miracle!

    STARR: Your emails helped..thanks

    DANA: They will work on anything dear...

    JAY: This was the worst i have ever experienced...Thanks

    NANCY: He showed me a lot with his generosity...Mom and dad loved seeing all three of you again...

    MERI: Yup I sleep Nekkid...

  30. I have had 7 back surgeries. (Also a lot of dental stuff this year, too!) Up until three days ago I had forgot how bad it can be. I am in full crisis mode, too. I hope you get well soon!

  31. Patti Says:
  32. Did you notice that ouch rhymes with couch?
    So does slouch, and I don't think you should be doing any of that.

    This post made me realize how lucky I am not to have back spasms. Now my left knee...oh well never mind. It sucks to be over 50, doesn't it? Sometimes everything seems to hurt.

    Glad you had people to come to your rescue.

    Hope you're better today and even more so tomorrow.

  33. DrillerAA Says:
  34. I feel your pain. It's been a long time, but my back has dropped me in my tracks and I have spent the next three days in bed with heat and cold to try to regain mobility. You have my deepest sympathy. Hope you get much better before Santa arrives.

  35. Travis Says:
  36. Now that's a hell of an ordeal to put yourself through. Try not to do that anymore, k?

  37. Ralph Says:
  38. Rod Serling was a terrific writer, having written well over half of the episodes. But I can't imagine he would script this event. Who could imagine this actual scenario?

    Bet your back better soon. I mean, who else can sub for you as chef on New Year's Eve!

    Merry Christmas, Bond!

  39. Roger Says:
  40. I'm worried about your health Vin jeez louse! And through all that you still have a great sense of humor added with the Twilight Zone enthusiasm accompanied with the original tunes, Kudos my friend! Take it easy and have a healthy Christmas!!

  41. Angell Says:
  42. Oh Vinny.

    *hugs but not too hard*

    Hope it's all better now. Sorry I've been absent for so long. Glad to hear that you've got people who can help, even if it did take most of the day.

    You must take better care of yourself mister!!

  43. ...heck-a-doodle!!!...hope you get tweaked back into shape...keep a stiff upper lip..pip!pip!!..

  44. Dana Says:
  45. Aw, poor Vinny! I hope you are feeling better and have a wonderful Christmas with your Matt and Darlin' Nancy!

  46. e c f e s w Says:
  47. gave me nightmares~~flashbacks of ken being in pain~~

    glad you are going to chiro


  48. Julie Says:
  49. OY! What an exhausting situation Vinny! Sure wish I could have helped you.

    After reading this recap with full attention the only way to settle in was to enjoy Bing and Bowie. Have I ever told you the story about Dad and I? Dad lovin' Bing and me lovin' Bowie...sitting in the tv room (as it was called back in the day) at odds over something his 17 year old daughter did. Out they come....singing in perfect unity. Years later I bought him the 45 (the only one he ever owned) and then in 2004 I bought him a Bing tree ornament that sings some of White Christmas. Just this Christmas mom gave me the ornament and it assumed prime location on the baker's rack in my kitchen.

    I like it when blog reading spurs wondrous memories.

    Thanks dear friend.

  50. katherine. Says:
  51. oh geez....I am sooo sorry you were hurting...but glad you finally got some real medical treatment...

    who had to empty out the...ya know...laughing...


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