Alfred G. Rava...King Of The ...

Sparks Of Insanity By Vinny "Bond" Marini Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Yesterday I opened my dictionary and looked up the definition for “Asshat”. Well, it did have a small blurb about a man in Mississippi, but there, right next to the definition “Someone who wears their ass on their head and has no reason to be part of society”, was this picture:

Then it told why this man is the ultimate asshat…(Hey folks, you know I am upset, as I have not spelled it a**hat once and I never cuss here on The Couch).

This is Alfred G. Rava and he is an attorney in San Diego, California. Now, his being a lawyer does not automatically throw him into the league of Asshats…it is how he practices law that has officially elected him to the top of the asshat heap.

A(l)sshat has decided to make California's Unruh Civil Rights Act, which was enacted in 1959 his personal bank account filler.

The Unruh Act states: "All persons within the jurisdiction of this state are free and equal, and no matter what their sex, race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, disability, medical condition, marital status, or sexual orientation are entitled to the full and equal accommodations, advantages, facilities, privileges, or services in all business establishments of every kind whatsoever."

Now, the Act certainly is important to ensure that all citizens are treated equally and I certainly am for it's meaning...BUT

Shall we look at some of the cases A(l)sshat has brought before the courts for himself as well as others?

In 2007, he sued Club Med Sales, Inc over a promotion where women were offered a $400.00 discount on airfare. OK, you say, well that did not seem fair; maybe he was right to sue.

As approved Feb. 25 by Orange County Superior Court Judge Ronald H. Bauer, the settlement demands $520,000 from Club Med, including a whopping $400,000 in attorney fees for the plaintiff class.

A total of 257 men purchased vacation packages during the "Ladies Fly Free" promotion, but Club Med could only locate 54 of them, and only 50 submitted claims in time to join the class. Each of those 50 men will receive $1,200 in cash plus three $400 air-fare discount coupons.
A(l)sshat got his share AND the attorney fees!

$120,000.00 to the plaintiffs, $400,000.00 to the asshat...what is wrong with that picture???

He's sued the Anaheim Angels for giving away a $1.45 tote bag to women in 2005.

In 2003, seven Gaslamp Quarter nightclubs in San Diego paid Rava and Steven Surrey $125,000 after the men filed gender discrimination lawsuits, claiming that the nightspots' “Ladies-night” discount-for-women cover charge promotions discriminated against men. All of the clubs have since ceased age or gender-related promotions.

Are you freakin kidding these two losers understand that by having Ladies Nights it assists men in meeting women??? Well, maybe they don't like women, who knows.

It seems that the other asshat, Surrey is as good at this as Rava. Since 2003, Rava and Surrey have filed more than 30 lawsuits in San Diego, Los Angeles, Orange and Ventura counties against such businesses as restaurants, nightclubs and cocktail lounges. In seven other lawsuits, Rava is the sole plaintiff. In two other cases, a few other individuals are named as co-plaintiffs with Rava and Surrey. Court records define the cases as “civil,” “civil rights,” “money demand,” “breach of contract,” “small claims” or “injunctive relief” lawsuits.

This is why our court system is so screwed and why liability insurance for businesses is so freaking out of control.

Surrey got $12,000 from the San Diego Repertory Theatre in June 2004 after he wrote the theater's administrators, saying he was the victim of gender discrimination. During its 2003 season, the Rep was selling half-priced tickets to women on certain nights. It also offered $12 tickets to individuals under 30.

I love that The Rep reported the payment to Surrey as income! Pay your taxes loser!

Now, let me tell you about the biggest incident from A(l)sshat… The one that has me so damn steamed...

In 2004, the Oakland Athletic Baseball Club ran a Mother's Day promotion. There was a fight-breast-cancer 5K run before the game, free mammograms and the first 7,500 women through the gate got floppy plaid sun hats from Macy's.

A(l)sshat sued the A’s and has basically won the case! He calls the hat a “fishing hat”…now I know there are people who fish who sit on The Couch. Here is the hat the A’s gave away:

Fishing hat????? Ummm A(l)sshat, are you some kind of freakin’ lunatic? A judge has given preliminary approval to a $510,000 settlement -- roughly half to lawyers and the rest to the "victims". YUP HALF TO THE LAWYER!!!!! Nice payday A(l)sshat!

The good news? According to the firm handling the claims, not one person has called to claim their money.

When asked why he sued, A(l)sshat claims the fact he didn't get one is offensive. Not just to him, he says, but to the state of California, "which has a very strong policy against discriminating on the basis of sex."


A plaid floppy hat? No, he insists it is a ‘fishing hat’…

Then, when you learn A(l)sshat’s mom passed away of breast cancer at the age of 53, this whole scenario seems even more bazaar.

I could put A(l)sshat’s phone number, address and email here so that, if you are as incensed as I you could let him know (I did shoot off an email - it simply read "You should be ashamed of yourself for the lawsuit against the Oakland A's" ), but then A(l)sshat would probably sue me for something or other…but you know…the internet is an open, free experience for all and if you happened to click HERE and find that information, well then how could I stop you.

As I researched this story I found many columns and blogs and some of the words used to describe the King Of the Asshats are “whiney”, someone else actually elevated him to asshat, douchewaffle (that one gave me a giggle), wimp, tool, and douchebag (seems mild after douchewaffle).

I first came across the story while reading Mr. Rick Reilly of ESPN The Magazine. Many of the blogs I found quoted from that article, but I also found some written by lawyers who thought this was very wrong.

If you are looking for an invitation to join Asshats Of the World, Mr. Reilly tells us…you can prove you were one of the first 7,500 people there that day, you get $50 in cash, two-for-one A’s tickets and a $25 Macy’s coupon. It won’t be hard. All you have to do is (A) state under oath that you are a male, (B) show some kind of receipt for your ticket and (C) swear you were there early. That’s good enough. There’s no video, and nobody’s going to spend $5,000 deposing you about $100.

Finally to A(l)sshat. I hope when your time comes and you end up in hell (because there is no way you can end up in heaven with your attitude), God allows your mama to come visit for just one minute and she slaps the stupid out of you – well she might need a lot longer than a minute to accomplish that!

Thanks for allowing me to rant on this Wednesday...

20 Of Your Sparks

  1. Matt-Man Says:
  2. Hee Hee. He may be a jerk but he's clever. And as an aside, Rick Reilly rocks. I wish he hadn't left Sports Illustrated. The boy can write. Cheers Vin!!

  3. Bond Says:
  4. Asshat..not clever...and you can read Mr. Reilly at

  5. Dianne Says:
  6. first - Happy Birthday Lynn!!

    a good rant is cleansing my friend
    and I love you for thinking spelling out asshat means you have now cussed on the couch

  7. Bond Says:
  8. DIANNE: Yes it is cleansing...well, it was just a promise I made to myself or this place would have been laced with the f-word!

  9. Micky-T Says:
  10. A Bondifide Asshat if I ever saw one. Beady little eyes WAY to close together.

    Happy Birthday Lynn

  11. Matt-Man Says:
  12. I know I can read him there but I don't care for ESPN...and I think their magazine blows. Oh, and I was remiss, Happy B-Day to Lynn. Cheers!!

  13. Jay Says:
  14. I hate it when men claim discrimination over "Ladies Night" and various promotions aimed at women. It makes them look very unmanly and rather weak. I blame the courts as much as I do him for this crap though. The courts could rule that there is nothing decidedly unfair about these promotions as men can still benefit from them in certain ways.

    But, the "Ladies Night" thing is under attack all over the country. A combination of whiny men and "feminist" groups have just about shut them down in most places. Gloria Allred has led the charge in this. Actually claiming that "Ladies Night" drink promotions encourage rape.

    I hate these people.

  15. Bond Says:
  16. MICKEYT: Yes...the beady eyes confirms it

    MATT-MAN: I read him there because I enjoy him and thanks for the B-Day wish

    JAY: Yes, you are correct..the courts are also at fault here, but with the Act, the way it is written, they do not have much leeway to not rule in his favor.
    I know there is a move afoot to stop these nights and that was not even my biggest is the lawsuit against the A's which totally pi**ed me off

  17. Starrlight Says:
  18. I, personally, like douchenozzle. It's just nastier. As for Capt' Nozzle there, he obviously has spent his hard earned (cough) cash on the Bosley Hair System and what appears to be a bad face lift and Mexicali botox. His dead mother must be so proud.

  19. *singing*

    "Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to lawywers..."

  20. Bond Says:
  21. STARR: Douchenozzle works also...I am sure she is

    SONGBIRD: LOL now let us not blame all lawyers for the stupidity of one asshat

  22. DrillerAA09 Says:
  23. Do you suppose if we neutered the clown, he wouldn't have a case for gender discrimination? Just asking. I've got a dull box knife that would do the job.

  24. Mimi Lenox Says:
  25. "....God allows your mama to come visit for just one minute and she slaps the stupid out of you."



  26. Bond Says:
  27. DRILLERAA: OOO grand idea! is is really really really dull?

    MIMI: Thanks..I liked that line too

  28. Travis Says:
  29. I dislike asshattery.

  30. Anonymous Says:
  31. Thank you for the delicious cake and all the good wishes. It has been a week long celebration. Guess it isn't as bad as I thought turning 50! Miss you.


  32. Vinny you know what they call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean, don't you?...

  33. katherine. Says:
  34. vinny...your sister is so YOUNG.

    Happy Birthday Lynn!

    as for the asshat. some men just hate women plain and simple.

  35. Bond Says:
  36. TRAVIS: As do I my friend

    LYNN: Love you too

    MARY: Now Mary this was about one asshat lawyer in particular..let's not put them all into the same boat!

    KATHERINE: So am I!!!!!!!
    By his looks, most women would hate him too!

  37. TopChamp Says:
  38. I love the term 'asshattery' and think I might adopt it for all actions I deem equal to those taken by this asshat.


Music On The Couch